Back to Square One

It seems a certificate of insurance and a detailed quote are too much to ask.  Another service is coming on Tuesday morning. It's $200 for the initial visit and that goes toward to job.  I don't like that but my hands are tied.  I need this over and done with so I'm really angry that I have to start over.  Fuck people.  I realize it is no one else's fault I got myself into this situation but I really feel some people are out to prey on the desperate.  I'm sorry I was dead inside for four years.  I'm sorry there is something wrong with my brain.  That doesn't mean I will be taken advantage of.

Meanwhile the cold is significantly better so my overnight waste mitigation needs to continue tonight along with laundry.  Hopefully I don't get sleepy and tempted to curl up and sleep.  I've been sleeping nights because I've been sick the last 6 days or so and because this was getting cleaned next week.  I have to resume the old schedule. I hate this. 

Why Can't Things Be Simple?

So I still have received no Certificate of Insurance or revised quote that states the haul-away  is included.  Apparently this is asking for the Moon. It's two pieces of paper that take about ten minutes to put together.  So now I'm getting grief from my mother because these have not yet been provided and grief from the cleaning guy because no one has ever asked for this before and "the people advising you have convinced you not to trust anyone."  The irony here is that my parents closed on this property without having an inspector seeing if it was up to electrical codes and the cleaning guy, who is offended I'm asking for proof of insurance and a detailed quote, won't invoice the job because he doesn't trust a personal check not to bounce. And here I am in the middle, still sick, needing to clear out the bathroom waste and weak, exhausted, stressing about my neighbors and the tuck-pointers.  I just want this over with.    

Sick or Allergic?

Ugh! I've been sidelined by this cold or allergy outbreak or perhaps both.  I've slept the last three-four nights because I feel like absolute crap.  I think it's a cold from the windstorm last week aggravated by the dust I've been stirring up during cleaning attempts and the mold and ragweed in the outside air this week. 

Bags out - none.
Bags filled - several.
Estimate - check (going with a cleaning service that will do the whole job for $5,000)
Certificate of Insurance - forthcoming
Revised quote (that says the haul away is included in the price) - forthcoming
Lightbulbs purchased - check
Paths cleared - in progress
Cat staying elsewhere - check

I'm so tired but I can't wait to get my life back.  I really hope the tuck-pointing crew is done by then.  And I hope even more that Annie Wilkes stays away during all this. I just want my life back. 

Digging

Digging

by Seamus Heaney

Between my finger and my thumb
The squat pen rests; as snug as a gun.

Under my window a clean rasping sound
When the spade sinks into gravelly ground:
My father, digging. I look down

Till his straining rump among the flowerbeds
Bends low, comes up twenty years away
Stooping in rhythm through potato drills
Where he was digging.

The coarse boot nestled on the lug, the shaft
Against the inside knee was levered firmly.
He rooted out tall tops, buried the bright edge deep
To scatter new potatoes that we picked
Loving their cool hardness in our hands.

By God, the old man could handle a spade,
Just like his old man.

My grandfather could cut more turf in a day
Than any other man on Toner's bog.
Once I carried him milk in a bottle
Corked sloppily with paper. He straightened up
To drink it, then fell to right away
Nicking and slicing neatly, heaving sods
Over his shoulder, digging down and down
For the good turf. Digging.

The cold smell of potato mold, the squelch and slap
Of soggy peat, the curt cuts of an edge
Through living roots awaken in my head.
But I've no spade to follow men like them.

Between my finger and my thumb
The squat pen rests.
I'll dig with it.


- from Death of a Naturalist (1966)

Ugh

So I talked to the "Clutter Specialist" yesterday.  Based on a long conversation, this is approximately a $5,000 job.  I was thinking closer to ten, to be honest, but I've no idea if she's considering plumbing cost.  They also will not start with my bathroom in the condition it's in.  So...I have my work cut out for me.  Naturally, I have come down with a cold.  I thought it was allergies (and it partially might be) but it really does now feel like a cold and has already slowed me down significantly.  I just want to sleep.  I made one trip down this morning with 5 bags.  Yesterday morning I made three trips and took down eight bags, a ruined laptop backpack and a couple of boxes.  I was to make three trips this morning but I just feel too bad.  It's nearly 5:30am and people are getting up.  The sun should be rising shortly.  I think she wants to start next week but I don't know how ready I'll be.  I'm thinking the last week of September, considering I have to do the dirty work myself.

So:  I need to find the hallway floor again; clear, vacuum and clean.
       Find any cat mess and dispose of.
       Get bio waste out of the bathroom and into dumpster.
       Resume bagging anything that can be bagged.

Edit:  I think I'm going another way.  I think $2,500 down, $2,500 the first day of work and daily payments if it goes over $5,000 is unreasonable for someone that wants me to do so much of the work before she'll even start. I called another cleaning service and the guy seems less condescending and more willing to be discreet.  He also mentioned a six-room apartment with ten years of accumulation that he did for $3,500.  I'm hoping to fall in under that.  He's coming in the morning to look at the job.

Paranoia Sucks

M y original diagnoses were: 
Major (read: severe, chronic) Depression, Panic Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
Later added:  Paranoid Personality Disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder.

At one point I needed two beers and a Xanax just to get out of the house and be social;  I wouldn't say I was relaxed, either.   It was a VERY small dose of Xanax on an as-needed basis.  I think each refill was only six pills or so and I think I only refilled it once.  That was 2002.

I abruptly stopped seeing my therapist about 18 months ago.  Once every eight weeks was becoming pointless as I wasn't so depressed except due to this hoarding nonsense that I was too embarrassed to tell her about.  Plus, by the time I was done with all that had happened between appointments, time was up.  Not quite worth it or necessary at that point, since I really knew what my problem was and needed to modify my behavior.  You could say that after 8 years of therapy, I had out-shrinked my shrink.  This is not to say I won't see another therapist at some point - just one that doesn't know me so well it's more like gossip than therapy. I can't do it til I have health insurance anyway.

My downstairs neighbors were away for the holiday weekend and their 18-year-old son had the place to himself til today.  He had people over til 5am each night.  (And yes I was a bitch and ran the vacuum at 7am Sunday)  I still haven't gone out the back because they were on the stairs Thursday night. I unlocked the deadbolt  and heard them running down the stairs and "sssshhhh!!!"  I was unable to do anything for nearly an hour and was lucky to get one trip in.  This set the tone for the holiday weekend though.  I HATE anxiety to my core. There is nothing more FUCKING annoying than being afraid of nothing or at the very least nothing relevant.

So: 
Thursday:  One trip, two bags
Friday:  One trip, three bags
Saturday:  One trip, one bag, one wooded cd rack
Sunday:  One trip, two bags
Monday: One trip. two bags (should be doing a second trip as I speak but wind gusts are 45mph and caused a door to slam - I also thought my neighbor jumped out of bed to chase me but this was most likely a window rattling).

I have to call back the two cleaning services this morning.  The second one called me and left two more messages.  Either he really cares or a hoarding job is such a huge profit margin he's seeing dollar signs.  I need to stop thinking that way but I wonder what mark-up I'd put on a job like this...I'm going to stop now because i don't want to give myself another anxiety attack. Tuck pointing work will be on the building front today, though the wind might cause them to cancel. I can only hope nothing smells at my windows.  I shut the bathroom window so they couldn't look in and I'll have the blinds closed where I'm sitting but I really would rather not shut the windows, especially with all the cool air blowing in here. 

I wanted a semi-clean living room and hallway before I had anyone come in.  Not going to happen, though I think if I fill bags all day today, I can stage them in the kitchen on top of what is already there and vacuum and swiffer the exposed floor. I can do the same in the hallway.  I started this on Friday but had an allergic reaction to the amount of dust I disturbed.  If I plow through though, then I can use my night trips for bio-waste from the bathroom tonight (sorry - eew - I know) so that maybe the plumber won't be quite as humiliating. I won't go into detail but it's not as bad as it could be. There are two buckets and several boxes that will be bagged and sealed and with an empty dumpster they'll get covered quickly.  If I can flush the toilet before a plumber gets here it will be a victory (and a lower bill). 

I have made progress in the living room though.  Maybe I'll post another picture of it after today. I just can't wait to have enough space to set up the wii again.  I NEED the exercise.

Slow Progress....

Sunday - 1 trip, 2 bags
Monday - 1trip, 1 bag
Tuesday - 2 trips, 3 bags
Wednesday - 1 trip, 2 bags

2 emails sent to two cleaning specialists.  One replied within ten minutes, the other within 5 - 6 hours.  Naturally I did not answer the phone.  At least the weather cooled off.  I hate this.  

http://aluratek.com/libre-ebook-reader-pro-white

Perhaps the above is a solution to my book problem.