The Collections

It's funny to refer to my crap as "collections" as I never really intended to "collect" any of it like we did baseball cards when we were kids.

The Books: Books and book clubs are such dangerous traps for me. I LOVE books and I LOVE the look of a row of bookshelves against a wall. I don't know if it equates class to me that a person reads or if it's just a window into somebody's soul when you can see what they are reading/have read. I generally prefer the books to films too, as the voices, the emotion, the tone comes as much from my own mind as that of each author. Subsets?

---Play anthologies: I was a theatre major and I LOVED my anthologies and hardcovers. Even back in college, I needed to own a copy - checking it out from the library was always the less palatable option. I wanted my own copy to read over and over. Hello McFly! Plays are to be performed, not read! When I have a proper path (and not until I do) I will box them all up and bring them to the old theatre department for the students' use. They are of no use to me and a constant reminder that while I had the talent, I never had the kind of drive needed for that life.

---Self-Help: Yes, I was going to to self-treat the depression; fix it myself! It was just a matter of finding the right book to tell me how! Please. I have more books on Anxiety, Depression, Clutter, DIETING, OCD.... There are a lot of self-help books out there and many are in my apartment. Some have been great tools for me and others may be the right thing for somebody else. What I have learned about self-help is this: If you don't act on a problem and simply read about it and ponder, you soon will have a bigger problem. I bought loads of these too - it was easier to have them sent to me anon than to have a librarian (who couldn't give a rat's ass what I'm reading) judge me for checking out a book on depression (must be crazy). Oh yeah - books on clutter prevention ARE CLUTTER! They all basically say the same thing: the trick is you have to GET RID of stuff! I'm not saying that many books in the self-help category aren't helpful or don't have good information. What I am saying is I got so caught up in finding the right solution without using any of the techniques I was reading about that I just made bigger problems and I am certain I'm not the only one that has fallen into such a trap.

---Books about Faith: I'm not telling you which one because this blog is not about religion and I'm not out to convert anyone or to have others try to convert me. That said, one of the things all the religions have in common is a plethora of books and trinkets claiming to have all the answers. They don't. Be sparing. The "stuff" falls into two categories - tools and souveneirs. Faith is within - it doesn't come from any object.

---Crafts: You're never going to make every project. Having a hobby is one thing, but my only advice here is not to buy a book full of 50 projects when you only really want to make one. Check it out of the library.

---Classics: I'm one to read books over and over but I'm also the keeper of books I've not read in fifteen years. A library or a used book store could make much better use of them and yet they sit here sucking the oxygen from my living space.

The Films: I have VHS oh yes I do! Rather have my own copy than rent it, I did! Luckily, back in the day, I realized the studio apartment I lived in at the time was not going to be large enough to hold a movie collection and I stopped buying them. DVD's were starting to come out too, and even though they took up less space, they were more expensive, so I really only have a few. Netflix pretty much saved me there. I'm not saying I'll never buy one - I just don't need to have them all save for the few I watch over and over.

The Music: Not really an MP3 girl, so the music stays. I don't buy as much of it though and I have the discs in books to save space - no jewel cases allowed (might get one for dvd's too though a smaller one).  Any cassette tapes have to go though - I'm sure most are warped and I've nothing to play them on even if I wanted to (besides the fact that the sound quality is poor compared to cd and lp).  That brings me to the vinyl collection.  I've decided to wait until I've cleared space for the stereo to be running again before I make a decision to keep or sell the vinyl.  I always had more vinyl than cassettes, even though the latter were all the rage in the 80's because my parents were split up and my father considered anything we had at his house to be his property.  He knew I loved my rock stars so he bought me lots of pop music - on vinyl so I couldn't take it home with me.  Even though he gave it to me it was still his, after all.  I digress.  I'll have to see how the turn table works once I unbury it.

Craft Supplies: Crafting is an addiction and I plan to use my dining room as a craft room when I am able, but I still have to sift through the things that are usable and not.  When I was learning to knit and crochet I bought loads of cheap acrylic yarn that I will never make anything out of because I have become a yarn snob.  However, I will not allow myself to buy any new yarn for any new project until I deplete my stash by going through the contents and deciding what is still usable.  Some will be thrown out, the acrylic stuff will be donated to a daycare or something for making those lovely macaroni necklaces kids bring home to mommy and then I'll use what I can.  A friend is in the process of opening a resale shop so maybe I can get her to take some handcrafted accessories on consignment - it's just a thought.  I also have loads of quilting supplies;  a hoop and fabric up the wazoo.  I never learned to quilt and I doubt I ever will.  I also have a couple years worth of quilting mags.  I'll have to wash all the fabric (the cat sleeps on it) and what is still usable after that will be donated to charity.  There are plenty of groups that quilt for the troops or for nursing homes that would be glad to have all that fabric.  I only wish I'd never spent all that money but at least now I know that fabric and craft stores are places I have to be VERY careful of.  I literally need to make a list and get ONLY what I need for a current project, not future ones that would be really cool to make at a later date.

Exercise Stuff: Jeez I have three scales, none of which work, a body bar, a rower ($10 at a garage sale!), an exercise bike my former neighbors left in the hallway, the perfect push-up, a couple yoga mats I'll likely uncover at some point and the plethora of videos, mostly VHS, of every exercise program that was going to be just the thing to make me fit and healthy.  Oh and a Wii Fit system that was given to me as a gift by my mother, who thinks it will be just the thing to make me fit and healthy (notice a pattern here?). That stupid bike is going away once I can get the thing down the stairs - I never should have brought it in - the building management would have eventually disposed of it.  It's got to weigh 70lbs and it's one of those big old ones.  It works fine - I may just put it on Craig's List saying if you come get it it's yours.  I'm really wary of doing it but it's one way to get rid of it.  I'd like to just push it out on the porch but the building fines for that.   The rower was something I used to use and would like to start again.  It is compact and would fit in a closet if I had a closet - or in a corner or under the table - point being, I can put it out of the way when not in use.

Coffee Cups and glasses:  Do I really need an entire cabinet full of this stuff?  'Nuff said.

Ugh I have so much work ahead of me and i don't really have a closer for this post except to say I had to fight for it this morning - I so didn't want to get up this morning but I did.

So what do you accumulate?  Does it own you or do you own it?  Discuss.

4 days down, 5 bags of trash out of here. 

One Door Closes; Another Opens

So I had a revelation the other day - I don't know why I hadn't thought of it before, but I guess it goes to show that a high IQ isn't everything. 

I suppose I should start at the beginning but I unfortunately don't quite know where that is.  Suffice it to say I have a problem going out the back porch.  For some reason I always (in my apartment-living history) have had a hesitation about the back door.  Maybe this has something to do with the fact that the back door to my former apartment was flimsy enough wood I could have kicked a hole through it if I'd really wanted to.  I remember waking up one night to a loud noise that shook the floor; scared the crap out of me.  The following morning, there was a note outside my front door from the woman that lived downstairs saying someone had tried to break in to her apartment through the back door.  He'd been able to push in the door but she'd heard it in time to be able to throw her weight against the door and keep him out.

My current apartment (which I own) has a lovely back porch.  It's good sized and I share it with only one person.  When I first moved in here, I often left the back door open while doing whatever in the kitchen.  An old Persian couple lived next door and they were a delight to talk to, albeit hard to understand (wife had no teeth).  The building was once a rental property and had just been partially rehabbed and flipped into condos (never buy a partial rehab - we were all fooled by the housing boom).  Anyway, these people had bought a unit on a lower floor so in a few months I had the porch to myself while the unit adjacent to mine was getting worked on.  I took the garbage out regularly.  I was not afraid of anyone looking through it or judging me for walking it down (wtf right?).  The following spring Annie Wilkes moved in. For awhile it was ok but then she appeared on the porch "Hi Neighbor" every time I was out there. I was on the Association Board of Directors at the time an she seemed to feel that this made me her personal complaint department about work the developer didn't do to her satisfaction (the Board eventually called her brother, the actual owner of her unit, to intervene).  I stopped going out there and trash bags began to pile up in the kitchen.  Fast forward several years and I can tell you I have not been in the kitchen this year at all.  I can't find my bed. My bathroom is unusable.  I get an occasional knock on the door or a note saying I need to clean the litter box.  Oh, if the bitch only knew!  I don't remember how it got this way, it is just as though it suddenly is. I don't like it; I don't want this.

The whole situation makes me feel really helpless and overwhelmed.   I lost my job recently and I know this situation contributed to that event. I used to come home so exhausted I couldn't even think about doing something about my living conditions.  I'm rather rested now and had been beating myself up the last few weeks for continuing to live in these conditions.  It's not like I don't have the fucking time on my hands to DO SOMETHING about it!  So...I thought about the back door, listening day and night for "Annie's" comings and goings with no success.  Because I can't take out the garbage with her home, as stupid as that sounds.  It's funny, I had a scheme going for awhile that I would set the alarm on my cell phone for midnight every night to take down four bags until it was all gone.  Well, there's the back door thing again.  I can't go out the back door at night.

We are in our first heat wave of the year here. I have no air conditioning so it's pretty unbearable here and I think the clutter just makes it worse.  To be honest, I think it's even why my internet connection is so unstable. The other morning I awoke with a headache and with the window fan making a lot of noise.  I nearly injured myself getting to it.  I have to buy a new one, but not until there is a proper path. That particular morning was the morning after my birthday.  I'd realized I'm a year younger than I thought (did I mention a high IQ clearly is not everything?) and I decided to make this year count as though it is a gift; I have been given an extra year.  Here is where the epiphany comes in:

I keep odd hours since being unemployed.  I play an MMO a lot, especially after spamming my resume to any open position I am qualified to fill.  Often I play late into the night and go out to grab coffee and breakfast and a smoke (it's just a phase and I won't do it in the house - it also needs to stop with some expediency).  No one is up at 4am except for one light on at the other side of the building.  If I'm going out there anyway, why am I not bringing a bag of trash down?  I'll admit, the inactivity of the last couple months has worn me down physically and I've wanted to get into a yoga class (like I can afford that).  So the last three mornings I have filled and brought down a garbage bag - out the front door. How the hell had I not thought of that before?  I get garbage outside, I go for a walk, I get coffee and am back in before "Annie" is even awake. This morning I did two bags (which luckily didn't start leaking until I was outside) and even cleaned part of a wall. It's so stupid it feels like genius to me. Granted I will eventually be employed again but I plan to go to bed early so I'm up at 4 and can continue this routine if need be.  I physically can do only one trip at the moment, especially when it's this hot but I'm at least taking some kind of control back.  I felt like a genius when it occurred to me that if I do laundry at 2am it can equal three trips to the dumpster.  I am so stupid sometimes I amaze myself. This will take a long time.  At least now it's getting done.   4 bags down...

Hoarding Defined Simply

hoard

(hôrd, hōrd) n. A hidden fund or supply stored for future use; a cache. v. hoard·ed, hoard·ing, hoards v. intr. To gather or accumulate a hoard. v. tr. To accumulate a hoard of. To keep hidden or private. [Middle English hord, from Old English; see (s)keu- in Indo-European roots.] hoard'er n.

The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition
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