Hoarding on Oprah

http://www.oprah.com/showinfo/Inside-the-Lives-of-Hoarders-with-Peter-Walsh-Parts-1

I don't know if this is helpful or exploitative.  I can't imagine having a partner in this!  I guess everyone's situation is different.  It scares the shit out of me though that with a crew of 100 it took 8 weeks to clean this house. Granted, my apartment is less than half the size and I have far less to get rid of, but it's been 8 weeks with just me and there is very little difference.  I know with help I could knock it out in a week or less. And you know by now that I won't ask for help.  I really need to get out and walk or ride the bike during the day so the three flights of stairs don't fucking kill me every night.  I need to do the consistent three trips.  End of story.  And I need to stop talking about it and just fucking do it. I lost my job and spent nearly 4 months lying down.  I've officially never been so inactive as I am now and boy does it make the body weak.

First of all, I'm thinking this has been a problem for me for six years but it was brewing many many years longer. I never wanted to borrow, I wanted my own and I think that came from my father leaving and taking all the money.  All my clothes were handed down.  All my books were handed down (which I appreciated much more than wearing 70's clothes in the mid 80's).  My father used to buy me all the records I wanted for my birthday and Christmas but even though I wanted cassettes, he bought lp's so I couldn't take them home with me. Toys couldn't be brought home. Growing up, most kids had more stuff than I did.  I also was treated by both parents as a possession.  I wasn't allowed out a lot and lost a lot of friends that way.  My mother was simply overprotective to the point it stunted my survival skills (and she won't apologize for it either) and my father felt his "visitation" (and he got a lot more than most fathers, the abusive fuck) should not be infringed upon by my desire to have a social life. I disowned him when I was 18 and dropped his name by 22.  At 20 I got my first credit card.  I maxed it within months and my mother bailed me out. It took me a year to screw up again. Book clubs, cd clubs, vhs clubs...no one could see what I bought when I got it by mail, right?  And no one else owned them and I could take them and loan them wherever I want.

I do have a vision though, like they talk about.   I see an airy room that I love to be in.  I see open windows. I see myself enjoying myself here and making it a home.