I should have been carrying two more bags downstairs at 4:30 this morning but the rain was coming down so hard I didn't. The rain is a welcome relief from the 90+ temps. So I only made one trip tonight. 3 bags down. My goal for the next fortnight is to make three trips a night. Some trips let me take only one very heavy bag or box but most let me take two and some, like my last trip at 2:30-ish this morning, let me carry three. It looks like the rain has let up but the sun is rising so two more bags through the laundry room and out the other side of the building isn't really an option right now. I intended to fill a bag as it was raining too hard and wound up looking into a box I assumed to be filled with garbage. I'm glad I did because I found a wall hanging (one I'd actually like to keep) and a bag of wool (for spinning) and an unopened bottle of Excedrin Tension Headache. I was relieved when I found it as I had a horrible headache the other day until I saw it expired two years ago; that means I likely bought it three years ago. I surveyed the landfill that is my living room and have determined it's really a lot...no, it's no surprise but it just seems the clearing in the living room and the clearing in the hallway should be bigger by now. I know I've had a really hard time getting into the swing of things but I have to have gotten over 20 bags downstairs by now and probably more. If, for the next fortnight, I can make three trips a night that's roughly 40 more bags down and that very well could mean the hallway cleared, the living room mostly cleared and possibly the bathroom waste cleared. To be honest, if the bathroom situation wasn't what it is, I'd be much more likely to ask for some help. I can't ask anyone else to deal with it though and I'm too ashamed to describe it in any greater detail than I have done at this time. Suffice it to say I can smell it from the window I'm sitting at and even though I toss a bleach product in there daily and spray the shit out of it, it still smells like a sewer. I don't think the smell travels down the side of the building outside but I can't be sure. I noticed this past winter I could smell it when the radiators went on, which means the people below me had to smell it through theirs. It scares me not to know how it got that way or that I didn't realize it until it was too late.
I'm sleepy now but I know I'll wake up around noon - I've been having trouble sleeping eight hours in one block. The whole hiding from the neighbors thing (and let's face it, that's what I'm doing) messes with my sleep but as it is an extremely hot summer and I am not working (oh please let me find something this fall - I hate sitting at home and the longer I do, the less I want to make money for someone else) so I force myself to sleep during the hottest daylight hours. I'm not cleaning enough during the hours people are awake. I can't do too much at night - I'm really relegated to sneaking downstairs with garbage or to head to the store for drinking water and cleaning supplies (yes I have running water, it's just kind of gross as the pipes in this building are old) so I should be using the day to fill bags (even though so many need to go out) and vacuum. Today the vacuum will come over to the living room and get a pile of dirt I uncovered as well as the loads of dust in this area. These couch cushions, even though I will replace them once I'm not sleeping on them, could use a cleaning too.
My cat is happy and visits me on the couch several times daily - she stays away if I'm filling bags. I think she likes the prospect of more space though and the cool breeze of the fans. Hopefully by winter she'll have a nice queen-sized bed to lie down on (my back will be really happy too!)
I asserted myself yesterday morning. There's a pile of dirt or ash on the window sill of the stairwell and it's been there for months and the janitor has not cleaned it. I left a card by it asking who is smoking there. Condo Nazi Annie Wilkes is the only one who would have picked it up *smirk* but the dirt is still there and there is a board meeting scheduled for two weeks (I boycott them because 3/5 of the board are unstable assholes and one doesn't even reside on premises. Not sure the two events are related but I'm sure in the little private meetings after the regular meeting I am a frequent topic of discussion as the bitch is trying to get rid of me. This means nothing can smell - not even a hint of odor can be there, thus the goal for the next fortnight. Tonight I failed - I wanted to make three trips and I only managed one trip, three bags. Fail. I know the point of the meeting will really be about the stupid roofing and tuck pointing project but still...I want to be able to close the bathroom window (without making the whole apartment smell) and I want to be able to leave the living room windows open (albeit with blinds down) and if it smells like a hoarder then I can't. I would imagine no work will begin until September though. I just don't want to give these assholes any more reason to give me a hard time. They know I'm out of work and they are laying on the fines as it is.
I could use some encouragement right now and all I have is me. It is so easy to get lazy when you're used to exhaustion. Anything overwhelming begins to make you feel exhausted even when you're not quite. I should have made three trips tonight, rain be damned. I had the energy and even knew which two pairs of bags from le mountain were going down but I did nothing about it. That cannot continue to happen, no matter how tired I think I am, no matter how overwhelming it is to see it all there, no matter how many chapters I have left in whatever book I am reading (right now I'm reading over the Harry Potter series -Happy 21st Mr. Radcliffe- as I am nostalgic with the final film(s) due out in a few months and the lovely world Ms. Rowling created is a wonderful place to escape this hell I've created.)
Episkey.
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